Did not get much sleep last night. It's no wonder really. Today is Ethan's "diagnosaversary" and his 3 month MRI. So, in essence, today can turn out to be a day of continued celebration, and reflection on how far we have come, or it could turn out much differently.
As I write this, Ethan is under sedation having his 3 hour scan performed by some of our much beloved physicians at Hershey Medical Center. It just so happens, that on this very day 2 years ago, his brain tumor was initially discovered. Two years ago today. I remember everything about that day. I remember hearing the tremendous thud, as he hit the floor when the intracranial pressure became too much for his brain to tolerate. I remember thinking it was just an accident, he must have been climbing and fell accidentally.
Turns out it was an accident that saved my sons life. That fall led to his CAT scan that discovered the cancer. I joked to the hospital chaplain that his guardian angel, who I firmly believe he has always had, was "off duty" that day. After the brain tumor was discovered the chaplain reappeared in the waiting room. He very seriously approached me, looked me directly in the eyes and stated, "Lisa, his guardian angel was not off duty, that angel knew this accident was necessary". I still get goose bumps when I think about that moment.
I have never been very religious. I have never attended church on a regular basis. I am embarrassed to admit my children are not even baptized. But, after this whole experience, for the first time in my life, I truly felt god's presence. There is no other explanation for how beautifully Ethan has handled all his treatments, surgeries, and setbacks. Ethan is our miracle. Hope and faith are essential to families dealing with childhood caner. We hold them as close to our heart, as we do our very children.
So, the scan is today and tomorrow we meet with his oncologist to go over the results. Like all families dealing with cancer, that scanxiety can feel brutal. Good news brings relief and a return to normalcy. Unexpected news sends you "back in the ring" for yet another round. So as I pray for my own son, I also pray for those of you reading this, that are fighting a battle of your own.